Sunday, May 13, 2012

WWHD (OND).

Sir Laurence Olivier as Hamlet


I am often accused of being a pessimist. I am not, really. I prefer to think of myself as a realist. Like my buddy Tommy Hobbes (we go way back, Tommy and I), I tend tend to believe that life is "nasty, brutish, and short".  I also agree with his assessment that


"The condition of man is a condition of war of everyone against everyone; in which case everyone is governed by his own reason; and there is nothing he can make use of , that may not be a help unto him, in preserving his life against his enemies." Leviathan 


I know. Kind of pessimistic. I also think that life is also quite full of beauty and wonder, and that sometimes people rise up to help each other in the most extraordinary ways, so he and I aren't soul mates or anything.

Now, one man I DO feel is my true twin (or at least the twin of my deepest, darkest, most pessimistic self) is  my dear Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. When I am so low as to think there can be no bottom to the abyss, I turn to him and realize, well,  yeah, it can get a lot worse. A LOT. And it makes me feel oh so much better.

We all have our gurus or saints, talismans and charms, mentors and gods. When I am truly bereft, I pray to THE GOD OF ABRAHAM ISAAC AND JACOB (That makes Him sound kind of official, doesn't it?). But there are other times I don't want to bother The Man Upstairs. And there are times I not only don't want to bother Him, but hope He is looking the other way, as well. In those circumstances, I turn to The Great Dane to extract me from life's dilemmas. I have also coined a mantra in his honor: What Would Hamlet Do (Or Not Do)?  (A big thanks to Suze over at Analog Breakfast for the "Or Not Do" part. That was kind of genius.)

When I am faced with a bag of Oreos at 1 am, and the house is quiet and there is no threat of little ones mewling "MOM!! YOU SAID NO SWEETS UNLESS IT'S AFTER WE'VE EATEN REAL FOOD!!" (They totally don't get that the rules are different for grownups, duh) I think: What Would Hamlet Do (Or Not Do)? He would stuff his freaking Danish face, is what. Waiting up late nights for Daddy's ghost to show up takes ENERGY. And who wants to chew on a mutton chop that late? Indigestion!

Some other scenarios where WWHD (OND)? could come in handy:

1. Drivers that cut you off in the fast lane, only to step on the brakes immediately thereafter: This is easy. Hamlet would revenge. 'Cause that's he rolls! (Of course, he'd give a soliloquy first, and by that time, the driver may have changed lanes yet again...)

2. Should I go the movies this weekend? Again, so easy! Of COURSE! Hamlet shows there is nothing like a nice bit of entertainment. For extra points, if you want to break up with someone/propose/have them admit a terrible secret, take them to a film that has your preferred result in mind. Bingo! If it worked to out Claudius as a conniving incestuous murderer, well, it can work for you, too!

3. Should I show my true feelings? Well, here we are split. Sometimes, Hamlet's pretty good at playing his cards close to the vest ("But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue") and other times, he's kind of a rat bastard (erm, what's up, Ophelia?). The takeaway here is to regard the situation, and act appropriately.

I only hope when it comes time for flights of angels to sing me to my rest, I get enough time to say all that I have to say in a long-winded speech where I can spout stuff like "I die" and "I am dead" a thousand times, in case nobody gets the hint. Goblets of wine and swords that have been tainted with poison would be a bonus. Then I'll know I picked the best mentor I could have. (Well, if that happens, I guess Thomas Hobbes would have been right about the state of humanity after all. Awkward.)

14 comments:

  1. Maybe it's because I love you so much, but for some reason, this post has me all verklempt.

    Your words and thoughts are so funny and yet, so substantive. They go down like honey but then turn to something of far greater weight once they're inside. The Twain quote in the refurbished VI here is something about 'eating what you want and then letting the food have it out inside you.'

    That's a little what this post is like. Delicious, but leaving me turning things over in my gut for the rest of the day.

    Had a bit of an epiphany after our breakfast this weekend. That book I showed you, 'The Cardturner?' I finished reading it. It surprised me a number of times, made tears squeeze out of my eyes and got my chest all pangy in parts. There was some darkness in it -- a suicide in an asyulm -- that was, naturally, very uncomfortable for me. But the overall effect was to make me feel deeply and I understood the need for destruction in order to release what is so profoundly pent up in our own souls. Strange.

    You, call yourself what you will -- pessimist, realist -- have threaded the texture of my life with an appreciation for the minor tones. And I love you for it.

    Praise to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. And let us celebrate the non-judgmental space, perhaps a turning away of the divine 'rostro' which makes the ultimate allowances of love for our frail humanity.

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    1. Suze, dearest: I can't tell you how happy your comment has made me, so thank you.

      And - an epiphany!! Is there nothing sweeter? Thank you for being the major to my minor. I think it works out quite nicely.I love you!

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  2. An interesting take on life. I never would have thought of asking WWHD (OND). I look at myself as a realist too, although I am sure that some see me as a pessimist.

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    1. Loree - being a realist is always in a sense being a bit of a pessimist. Real life is hard. For me, I'd rather be pessimistic and be happily surprised than an optimist and be dissappointed.

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  3. I have a deep curmudgeonly disapproval of stories that turn out like hotel lobby music & Hallmark movies, but I set my face in an appropriate smile & only roll my inner eyes now. I'm an atheist who occ. likes to do something for fellow creatures, but who doesn't expect too much back. Life is Real random.

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    1. I am just the same. My inner eyes have rolled a lot!! I think it is only right to do things and not expect return, otherwise we will be disappointed. Better to give just to give.

      PS Believing or not believing in a higher power doesn't make a damn bit of difference when it comes to "judging" how good a person is. "Judging" is not how I try to roll, in any case!!

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  4. that hamlet was such a debbie downer! thanks to you and this hilarious post i may never look at him quite the same way again.

    so good to see you back in blogland, maggie!

    xoxo

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    1. Thank you Amanda!! He was a Debbie Downer, but I'm glad I made you laugh. He just takes himself too seriously...Methinks that tunic is too tight!

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  5. WWHD? That is hysterical. Hamlet is about as dark as they come. Great post. I'm a new follower. Nice to meet you.

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    1. Hi Ciara! Thank you, and welcome! I tried to follow you but am not sure how...do I just subscribe to the posts?

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  6. The funny thing about being a pessimist is I am also very much the idealist. I think a lot of us are this way and it's probably all that idealism that makes us pessimistic. As for WWHD or ND, we all need a role model to help validate ourselves and what better one than Hamlet for us pessimists.

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    1. Oh, do you have it right!! That is exactly it. Idealism has burned me more than once, but I can't stop going there. And yes! Hamlet for us!

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  7. Dear Maggie, I just gave you this Liebster award thingie, check it out over at mine, hope you are pleased and that it is not too much hassle for you! Bxxx

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  8. Oh dear- in a good way- I have given you a Versatile Blogger Award, to check out over at mine- and likewise hoping you are pleased not hassled- by all means grab the glory of the badge and ditch the rules, have a bit more fun than Hamlet, eh? :-)

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